Who are we?
We are a holistic, versatile, customer focused solution with unlimited potential including but not limited to live performance, psy ops, astral projection, stealth tactics, destructive testing, percussive maintenance, psychological warfare, theft, physical violence, drug testing, spying, sabotage, dog walking, melodrama
No job too small
We are not hired using conventional means.
By reading this, you may have already been selected.
We're closer than you think.
Testimonials
“..they turned up already drunk and steadily got worse. One of them rambled incoherently before falling asleep while the other ranted on about the 'New world order', a third one apart from getting very stoned at one point farted loudly, claimed “he'd shat his pants again”(?) and started laughing. When they left someone had stolen a whole cake from the fridge.”
Martin, Solihull.
10/10
“..fast efficient service. Not sure what they did, but it didn't seem to take long”
Phil, Luton
9/10
“..the first thing I knew was someone jumping out of my wardrobe at three in the morning shouting “guess what?!, I nearly had a heart attack, I'd not even hired them..”
Muriel, Sevenoaks
9/10
“..they stalked me incessantly for about a month and at one point I caught one of them living in my shed..”
Gary, Croydon.
8/10
“..they turned up at my child's birthday party wearing 'improvised' superhero costumes. After spending twenty minutes trying to do acrobatics (and failing), they tried to rap and beatbox (again failing), they then said they were going to the off licence but never returned. One of them left their bag which turned out to contain nothing but a soiled pair of underpants and a porn magazine.”
Jane, Sheffield
8/10
“..they arrived wearing cardboard boxes, claiming they were 'Transformers” and preceded to start fighting on my front drive, making robot noises until one of them fell over and knocked himself out. They then declared they should go to the hospital but then left leaving their unconscious friend. He seemed to come round later and wandered off...”
Clive, Lewisham.
9/10
“..they turned up in some knackered old van with a penis spray-painted on the side and uprooted one of my gate posts reversing into my drive. The van engine then burst into flames, when they realised they couldnt put it out by hitting it with an old towel, they ran away. I had to get the fire brigade out. I tried to get them to collect their van but their customer services number didn't work so I had to get it towed..”
Barbara, Edinburgh
9/10